मराठी हास्यजत्रा

नवरा: हिप्नोटाइज करणं म्हणजे काय ?

बायको: म्हणजे एखाद्याला आपल्या कंट्रोल मध्ये ठेवून आपल्याला हवी ती कामं करून घ्यायची.

नवरा: चल खोटारडी..त्याला तर लग्न म्हणतात

 😁🙆‍♂😊

एका भिकारीचे लग्न होते..

भिकारीची बायको उखाणा घेते ...

"चांदीच्या पलंगाला 

सोन्याचे पाय ,

चांदीच्या पलंगाला सोन्याचे पाय ,

गणपत रावांचे नाव घेते 

एक रुपया दे ओ माय.." ??????

 😅😁🙆‍♂🤷‍♂🤦‍♂😊

"तुमचा मुलगा आमच्याकडे आहे, २०,००० घेऊन या.. पोरगं घेऊन जा ! "

थांबा... मी पोलिसांनाच तक्रार करते.. 

"आम्ही पोलीसच आहोत... गाडी चालवताना नियम मोडलेत त्याने.."

Welcome the new traffic rules

😜😜

Wife Jokes

1. Women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
WHY?
A very INTELLIGENT Sardar replied: Women don't have a wife!

2. Wives are magicians.
..... . . . . . . . . . .
They can change anything into an argument

3. God - Beta, mannat maang.
Man - Please mujhe phir se unmarried kara do.
God - Beta 'mannat' maangne ko kaha hai, "Jannat" nahi !

4. Puri LIFE ko Sudhaarne k liye ek WIFE kafi hai,
Par ek WIFE ko sudhaarne k liye puri LIFE bhi kam hai.

5. There are 3 kinds of men in this world.
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened !

www.switch2life.com

FUNNY SIDE UP

LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.


LAWYER: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
LAWYER: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.


Teacher to Mallu: Who is Gandhiji's son?
Mallu: Dineshan!
Teacher: Who told you this rubbish?
Mallu: From kintergarten, I have been taught that Gandhiji is father of "Di Neshan"...


Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Lalu: "The moon".
Teacher: "Why?"
Lalu: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

MARY: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,Peter?
PETER: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Teacher: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Student: "A teacher".

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Laugh Out Loud

Laugh Out Loud

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

The women were asked, 'How many of you love your husbands?'
All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?'
Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember..

The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband: I love you, sweetheart.
Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

2. What now? Did you crash the car again?

3. I don't understand what you mean?

4. What did you do now? I won't forgive you this time!!!

5. ?!?

6. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

7. Am I dreaming? ???????

8. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today...!!!

9. I asked you not to drink anymore!!

and the best one

10. Who is this?

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Funny Definitions...

What is EXPERIENCE? 
The name people give to their Mistakes......


What is COMMITTEE?
Individuals who can do nothing individually, sits together to decide that nothing can be done together....


What is DICTIONARY?
A place where divorce comes before marriage..... 


Define Ph.d? 
PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.


Define a Lecture? 
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

Jokes for Today

Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar AA raha hai.... ghar ke sab khilone chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, who apne khilone pahechan lega.

Who is DOCTOR?
A person who kills
your ills, by pills,
and kills you, by his bills

Lalu: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Lalu: No, The Radio label shows Made in Japan but when I switch it ON radio says This is All India Radio!

  

Teacher: What Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Lalu thinks for a while and says
…………..
…………….
………………………..
Mam, I think They were 4 best friends..!







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Santa Laughing ...

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest to their boss Gabbar.
Now, this Gabbar was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if any one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.
Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day....." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, Gabbar shot poor Banta.
Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including Gabbar & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So Gabbar shot him.
Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

Gabbar asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

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Funny One Liners

 Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

 You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee for lifetime.

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Funny Bone

What do you call a woman who knows where  her husband is every night?

Ans :A  widow. 

________________________________________________________________________

     Why  are married women heavier  than single women?

Ans: ... Single  women come home, see what's in the fridge and go  to bed.  Married  women come home, see what's in bed and go to the  fridge. 

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Marriage

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RASHTRPITA

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Marathi Jokes

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Laluche Ghadyal

एकदा राबडीदेवी (लालू यादवची पत्नी) यमाच्या दरबारात गेली. तिथे तिला अनेक घडयाळ दिसली. तिने कुतुहुलाने यमाला विचारले, "ही  एवढी घड्याळ  इथे का लावली आहेत?"

यम म्हणाला, "त्याचं काय आहे, प्रत्येक घड्याळ पृथ्वीवरील एकेका माणसासाठी आहे. जेव्हा पृथ्वीवरील एखादा माणूस भ्रष्टाचार करतो, तेव्हा त्याचं घड्याळ एका मिनिटाने पुढे जाते."

राबडीने विचारलं, "मग यातलं लालूंचं घड्याळ कोणतं?" यम म्हणाला, "ते इथे नाही, ते आम्ही वरच्या मजल्यावर ठेवलं आहे." राबडीने अभिमानाने विचारलं, "का?"

यम म्हणाला, "त्याचा आम्ही पंखा म्हणून वापर करतो."

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Sardar and Practical

In bio practical:

Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?

Sardar: I don't know.

Examiner: You r failed, what's your name?

Sardar: See my legs & tell my name.

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Sardar and Police

Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.

Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?

Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.

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Sardar and Computer

Sardar: Yar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k lye.

Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?

Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.

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Sardar and Hitler

Hitler says,

"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"

Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? "Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na"

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Joke of the Day

The real Sardar

Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha,

kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?

Sardar bola, Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega

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Joke of the day

Sardar and Home

Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun

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