FUNNY SIDE UP

LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.


LAWYER: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
LAWYER: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.


Teacher to Mallu: Who is Gandhiji's son?
Mallu: Dineshan!
Teacher: Who told you this rubbish?
Mallu: From kintergarten, I have been taught that Gandhiji is father of "Di Neshan"...


Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Lalu: "The moon".
Teacher: "Why?"
Lalu: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

MARY: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,Peter?
PETER: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Teacher: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Student: "A teacher".

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Funny Shayari

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For HAPPY MARRIED LIFE,

You need to decode following words coming out of your wife's mouth,

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch cricket before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard  before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. 

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying  @#%*$ !

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but  is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.Then you RUN!

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Laugh Out Loud

Funny Cartoons

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Santa Laughing ...

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest to their boss Gabbar.
Now, this Gabbar was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if any one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.
Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day....." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, Gabbar shot poor Banta.
Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including Gabbar & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So Gabbar shot him.
Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

Gabbar asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

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Funny One Liners

 Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

 You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee for lifetime.

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Funny Bone

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Marathi Ukhane ....... 1

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Funny Bone

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BRANDED CONDOMS

Dear Friends, See what  would happen to the Famous Advertising punch lines of all the big Multinational and National Companies if they start marketing condoms also, Their product's famous Advertisement lines would fit so very perfectly  for their Condoms too, in fact much better than for their existing products.

AMUL Condoms: "The taste of India"

LUX  Condoms: "The choice of Indian Film Stars for over 50 years"

PEPSODENT Condoms: "Raat Bhar Dhishum Dhishum"

COLGATE Condoms: "Yeh Hai Hamara Suraksha Chakra"

NOKIA Condoms: "Connecting People"

MRF Condoms: "Extra Rubber - Extra Mileage"

KFC Condoms:  "Finger Licking Good"

Moov Condoms: "Aah Se Aahaa Tak"

MIRINDA Condoms: "Zor Ka Jhatka Dhire Se Lage"

MAGGI Condoms: " Sirf  Do Minute aur READY"

DABUR {CHAWANPARASH} Condoms: "Immunity & Strenght"

GODREJ {Hair Dye} Condoms: "Kaato, Kholo, Lagaao"      

SPRITE Condoms: "Bujhaye only Pyaas..Baaki all Bakwaas"


TATA SKY Condoms: "Isko laga dala to life Jhingalala"


THUMBS UP Condoms: "Taste The Thunder"


COCA COLA Condoms: "Live Condoms,Sleep Condoms,Dream Condoms but  Only Coca Cola Condoms"


ROTOMAC Condoms: "Sabkuch Dikhta Hai"


CADBURY Condoms: "Asli Swad Jindagi Ka"

TAJ Condoms: "Wah Taj, Wah "

MARUTI SUZUKI Condoms: "The people's Condom "


RELIANCE Condoms: "Think bigger"

NESTLE Condoms: "Everyday"


INDIAN OIL Condoms: "Extra power - extra mileage"


…and the last but not the least amusing:


POLO CONDOMS: "The Condom with a HOLE "

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Funny Bone

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Funny Bone - Kashmir Belongs To INDIA.

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named.

When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath.'

He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.

When he got out and wanted to dress, he realized his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.'

And they claim Kashmir belongs to them...

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Funny Kids..........Part 1

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